TIPS FOR TEACHING YOUR KIDS ABOUT INTIMACY

How effectively are you, as parents, modeling intimacy for your children? Do they see you talking in caring and loving ways to each other, or do they see you avoiding issues and being distant? Do you model unhealthy behaviors, even addictions, that teach them about avoiding or medicating their feelings?

If you are to be successful at teaching your kids to value healthy intimacy in relationships including the relationship with their future spouses, then you'll need to do your best to model it for them, first with your spouse and then with your kids.

Here is a checklist of ways to demonstrate intimacy as you interact:

1. Talk with your kids, not at them. Be a good listener. (This rule applies to interactions with your spouse as well!)

2. Don't demand that your kids answer your questions. Give them the freedom to talk when they feel safe to do so.

3. Admit to your kids when you have been wrong. Don't be afraid that they will use this admission against you later. Don't model blaming behavior in front of them. Accept responsibility. Model how to make changes and/or restitution for mistakes you have made. Children will respect a person who knows how to admit failure and is willing to make changes. They don't need perfect parents.

4. Talk with your kids about your feelings. Describe to them times when you have been angry, lonely, frightened or sad. Don't expect them to "fix" your feelings. It is even appropriate to shed tears in front of children as long as they don't feel the responsibility to solve your problems.

5. Allow your children to be angry with you. Teach them how to do this in acceptable ways that are not damaging to you or others. Model healthy expressions of anger in ways that are neither physically violent nor emotionally dramatic.

6. When your children are sad, lonely, or frightened, don't try to talk them out of it or solve their problems for them. Listen, listen, listen!

7. Demonstrate problem-solving skills to your kids. Help them define the true nature of problems. Show them alternative solutions and teach them a process for reaching a decision. Allow them to fail at their decisions as long as that failure won't bring permanent consequences.

As you teach your children to be honest by modeling with your spouse and with them how to risk sharing their feelings with others, they will learn about the kind of emotional intimacy that is crucial to healthy adult sexuality.

Mambo Muhimu Ambayo Hujawahi Kufundishwa Shuleni Na Ni Muhimu Sana Kwenye Maisha Yako.

Kwa miaka zaidi ya 15 ambayo umekaa kwenye mfumo wa elimu umejifunza vitu vingi sana. Kwanza ulijifunza jinsi ya kusoma na kuandika, baadae ukajifunza vitu muhimu kwenye historia, jografia, sayansi na hata mahesabu. Mwisho kabisa ukapata elimu ya utaalamu na hatimaye ukamaliza masomo yako kwenye utaalamu au ujuzi uliochagua kusoma.
Pamoja na mambo hayo mengi na mazuri uliyojifunza kwa miaka hiyo mingi kuna mambo mengi sana ambayo ni muhimu kwenye maisha hukupata nafasi ya kujifunza au kufundishwa. Kutokujua mambo hayo muhimu kuhusu maisha ndio kumekuwa chanzo kikubwa cha wahitimu wengi hasa wa vyuo vikuu kuona maisha ni magumu sana wanapofika mtaani.
Leo tutajadili mambo hayo muhimu ambayo hukufundishwa shuleni ila ni ya muhimu sana kwenye maisha yako.

1. Wewe ni wa pekee.
Katika watu zaidi ya bilioni saba wanaoishi kwenye dunia hii hakuna hata mmoja ambaye anafanana na wewe kwa kila kitu. Wewe ni wa pekee, una uwezo mkubwa sana na una vipaji na ubunifu wa kipekee. Ukishajua hili itakuwa rahisi kwako kufanikiwa kwani hutoweza kujilinganisha na mtu mwingine.
Shule imefanya kazi nzuri sana ya kukulazimisha kujilinganisha na wengine kwenye kila jambo unalofanya. Hii ni kwa sababu shuleni ulikuwa unafanya mtihani mmoja na wanafunzi wengine wote hivyo kupimwa kwa kulinganishwa.
Acha sasa kujilinganisha na wengine na tambua wewe ni wa pekee na hakuna anayeweza kufanya unayoweza kufanya wewe.

2. Unaweza kufanya chochote unachotaka.
Kwa kuwa wewe ni wa pekee, pia una uwezo mkubwa sana wa kuweza kufanya MAMBO MAKUBWA SANA. Kamwe usijishushe na kujiona wa chini, unaweza kufanya jambo lolote unalotaka kulifanya kwenye maisha yako. Unaweza kuyafanya maisha yako kuwa bora kuanzia sasa unapomaliza kusoma makala hii. Kitu muhimu ni wewe kujua ni kitu gani unataka kwenye maisha yako na kukitafuta kwa juhudi na maarifa.

3. Hakuna jibu moja sahihi.
Mitihani unayofanya ukiwa hapa chuoni au uliyokuwa unafanya shuleni/chuoni ilikulenga kuchagua jibu moja sahihi na kuacha mengine ambayo sio sahihi. Kwa bahati mbaya sana maisha hayako hivyo. Hakuna jibu moja sahihi au ambalo sio sahihi, yote ni majibu na yana usahihi na makosa kadiri maisha yanavyozidi kwenda.
Usidanganyike kwamba kuna kitu kimoja ukifata ndio utafanikiwa kwenye maisha, njia ya mafanikio ina vikwazo na changamoto nyingi. Usirudishwe nyuma na changamoto hizi kwa sababu ya mambo uliyofundishwa shuleni kwamba jibu sahihi ni moja tu.

4. Maana ya mafanikio.
Kila mtu kwenye maisha anataka kupata mafanikio makubwa, ila ni wachache sana ambao wanajua maana halisi ya mafanikio. Shuleni ulifundishwa kwamba kufanikiwa na kupita kiwango fulani cha maksi au hata kuwapita wengine darasani kwa ufaulu wa maksi.
Kwa bahati mbaya sana kwenye maisha mafanikio hayapimwi hivyo. Ukiangalia mafanikio kwa kutaka kuwashinda wengine au kuwa sawa na wengine utaishi maisha yako yote kukimbiza upepo. Maana ukijitahidi ukanunua gari kuna mtu utamkuta ana magari mengi zaidi yako, ukasema mafanikio ni kujenga nyumba kwa sababu kila mtu ana nyumba utakutana na mtu mwenye nyumba kubwa, nzuri na nyingi kuliko ya kwako. Kwa akili hii utaumia kichwa na kuona maisha yako hayana maana.
Badala ya kuendeshwa na mafanikio ya wengine kaa chini na uandike maana yako mwenyewe ya mafanikio kisha ishi kuitimiza maana hiyo.

5. Hakuna mtu yeyote au kitu chochote kinaweza kukupa furaha.
Hili ni jambo muhimu sana ambalo hukupata nafasi ya kufundishwa. Furaha inatoka ndani yako mwenyewe, hupewi na mtu au kitu unachomiliki.
Kama unafikiri mwenzi wako ndio atakupa furaha basi kuna siku utaumizwa sana, kama unafikiri fedha nyingi ndio zitakupa furaha uko kwenye tatizo kubwa. Furaha ipo ndani yako na utaipata kutokana na maisha unayoishi na mambo unayoyafanya kwako na kwa watu wengine.

6. Kufaulu darasani hakumaanishi kufaulu kwenye maisha.
Mazingira ya darasani yanatabirika, kaa darasani, soma kwa bidii, jiandae na mtihani na utafaulu. Mazingira ya kwenye maisha hayatabiriki hata chembe, unaweza kufanya kazi kwa juhudi na maarifa na bado yakatokea mambo yakakurudisha nyuma. Mitihani ya shuleni kwa kawaida unafahamua ni lini inakuja hivyo unaweza kujiandaa; ila mitihani ya kwenye maisha haina ratiba na hivyo inakukuta hujajiandaa. Ndio maana kufaulu darasani hakumaanishi ndio utafaulu kwenye maisha, kuna mambo mengi sana unatakiwa kujifunza.

7. Kukosea/kufeli ndio kujifunza.
Shuleni kufeli ni kwamba hujui au hujajiandaa vizuri na hivyo kukufanya uonekane wewe ni mwanafunzi dhaifu. Ila kwenye maisha kukosea au kufeli ndio njia sahihi ya kujifunza. Hujajifunza jambo lolote kweye maisha kama hujafeli au kuhsindwa kwenye jambo hilo. Badala ya kuogopa kufeli kwa sababu utaonekana ni dhaifu, hebu anza kuchukua kufeli kama sehemu ya kujifunza kwenye maisha yako.

8. Kuweka malengo.
Hiki ni kitu kimoja muhimu sana ambacho hukupata nafasi ya kufundishwa na kusisitiziwa vizuri wakati upo shuleni. Ni vigumu sana kuweza kufikia mafanikio makubwa unayotegemea kwenye maisha yako kama hutaweka malengo makubwa na mipango ya kufikia malengo yako. Kwa kushindwa kufanya hivi unawapa nafasi watu wengine wakutumie wewe kufikia malengo yao.

9. Matumizi ya fedha binafsi.
Fedha ni muhimu sana kwenye maisha yetu na huenda sababu kubwa iliyokufanya ukae shuleni miaka yote hiyo ni kupata fedha baadae. Pamoja na umuhimu huu wa fedha hukuwahi kupata nafasi ya kufundishwa matumizi na mipango binafsi ya fedha unazozipata. Hii inakusababishia kuwa na matumizi mabaya ya fedha na kuona maisha magumu kila siku.
Ni muhimu sana kuwa na matumizi mazuri ya fedha zako kwani hiki ndio kitakuwezesha kufikia mafanikio makubwa unayotazamia.

10. Haijalishi unajua nini bali unamjua nani.
Umeaminishwa shuleni kwamba kama ukisoma kwa juhudi na maarifa, ukajua vitu vingi sana basi unaweza kufikia mafanikioa makubwa sana. Kujua vitu vingi sana hakuwezi kukusaidia kama huwajui watu muhimu. Hivyo kwa kuwa umeshajua vitu vingi sasa wekeza nguvu sako kuwajua watu sahihi ili kuweza kufikia malengo yako.
Mafanikio yako yatatokana na watu muhimu ulionao kwenye mtandao wako. Hivyo jua watu wengi sana na muhimu zaidi jua wale ambao watakusaidia kufanikiwa kwenye taaluma au shughuli unazofanya.
Maisha halisi ni tofauti sana na mambo ambayo umekuwa ukifundishwa darasani kwa miaka mingi. Ni wakati wako sasa wa kuweza kujifunza mambo mengine muhimu ambavyo hukufundishwa darasani.